Posted by Sam Taylor
on January 16, 2026
Leaving an abusive relationship is not a single decision or moment — it’s a process. It’s something many survivors plan quietly, carefully, and often over time. If you’re reading this, know this first: you are not weak, dramatic, or overreacting. You are surviving.
This guide is not about telling you what you must do. It’s about offering practical, survivor-centred steps you can take at your own pace, in the safest way possible.
1. Trust your instincts
If something feels wrong, escalating, or unsafe — it probably is. You don’t need bruises, proof, or permission to take your safety seriously.
2. Create a safety plan (even if it’s only in your head)
Know where you could go, how you would leave, and what you would take if you had to leave quickly. Planning does not mean you’re leaving today — it means you’re prepared.
3. Prepare a hidden “go bag”
Pack essentials like ID, birth certificates, bank cards, medication, chargers, spare keys, cash, and clothes. Keep it somewhere they won’t find it — at work, in your car, or with someone you trust.
4. Start hiding small amounts of money
Even coins or small notes add up. Consider cash, a prepaid card, or a separate bank account they don’t know about.
5. Secure your important documents
Photograph or scan documents and email them to a safe email address. If you can’t take originals, copies are still valuable.
6. Set up a secret email address
Use it only for support services, housing enquiries, legal advice, or saving evidence. Always log out after use.
7. Protect your digital safety
Clear browser history, use private browsing, and check for shared Apple IDs, Google accounts, or tracking apps. Digital abuse is still abuse.
8. Tell one safe person
You don’t need to explain everything or tell everyone. One trusted person knowing the truth can make a huge difference.
9. Memorise key phone numbers
In case your phone is taken, damaged, or monitored, knowing numbers by heart can keep you connected.
10. Choose the safest time to leave
Many survivors leave when the abuser is at work, away, asleep, or distracted. You do not owe an explanation or a goodbye.
11. Know where you could go
Friend, family, refuge, hotel, emergency accommodation — even somewhere temporary is enough to start.
12. Create a safety code for children (if applicable)
A simple word or phrase that means “we’re leaving now” or “get help” can protect them without scaring them.
13. Pack a few sentimental items
You deserve comfort too. Even one small item that matters to you can help anchor you during a frightening transition.
14. Document abuse if it’s safe
Keep notes of dates, screenshots, photos, or medical visits. Store them somewhere secure. This is optional — your safety comes first.
15. Change routines subtly
Small changes can reduce suspicion while you prepare and help you feel more in control.
16. Reach out to specialist domestic abuse services
They won’t pressure you to leave. They can help you plan safely and confidentially.
UK Support: National Domestic Abuse Helpline — 0808 2000 247 (24/7)
17. Plan for pets
Abusers often use animals as leverage. Many charities and refuges can help with pet fostering or pet-friendly housing.
18. Prepare emotionally, not just practically
Leaving can bring fear, grief, relief, guilt, and doubt — sometimes all at once. None of these feelings mean you’re making the wrong choice.
19. Leave without confrontation
You don’t need closure, permission, or a final argument. Silence can be the safest exit.
20. Remember: leaving is a process
If you’ve tried before, you didn’t fail — you survived. Every step you take is progress.
Final words
You deserve safety, peace, and a life where you are not walking on eggshells. Whether you leave today, later, or are still figuring it out — your life matters.
If this blog helped you, consider saving it or sharing it with someone who might need it. You never know who is quietly planning their freedom.
