Why Men Are Clearly the Smartest Species Alive: A Sarcastic Celebration of Male Brilliance

Oh, men. The supposed "logical" sex, the proud owners of world-shaping ideas, and of course, the self-appointed guardians of all things *intellectual*. Yet somehow, in this dizzying display of brainpower, we’ve seen the rise of “Podcast Bros,” influencers who don’t know what a tampon is, and a parade of self-assured voices (Andrew Tate, anyone?) who feel the need to educate the world on topics they know absolutely nothing about. Ladies and gentlemen, let’s embark on a journey to celebrate the unique brilliance of modern men.

Now, who could forget the grand era of the “Podcast Bro”? Just pop into any podcast streaming app, and you’ll find men who seemingly realised one day that they have *thoughts*—earth-shattering thoughts—and it would be a disservice to humanity to keep them to themselves. With microphones in hand and no qualifications, they’re here to “explain” everything, especially to women.

Take, for example, the wisdom of our dear friend Kyle from BroScience Radio (yes, that’s a real podcast name, and yes, it’s exactly as you’d imagine). Kyle once graced his listeners with this nugget:

“If women stopped complaining about the wage gap and just worked harder, they’d be rich too.”

Brilliant, Kyle. Because clearly, every systemic inequality that exists could be solved if women would just work a bit harder, you know, like… men do?

Of course, we can’t discuss male genius without mentioning the internet’s most cherished role model, Andrew Tate. Tate’s rise to fame has brought us so many pearls of wisdom that we’d be lost without his contributions. According to Tate, women should stick to “feminine roles” because it’s “better for them and better for society.” Right. Because the 1950s were such a golden era for everyone.

Or how about Tate’s deep understanding of relationships, as he once tweeted:

Nothing screams romance like equating your girlfriend to your favourite pair of trainers.

Beyond podcasts, male enlightenment really shines in the digital space. Here, you can stumble upon some of the most astonishingly informed opinions on… periods! Yes, periods—a topic many men feel oddly compelled to talk about, despite not having a clue what’s going on down there. We’ve all seen those viral tweets where men make outrageous statements about periods, pads, and tampons, sparking questions like, “Wait, did he actually attend biology class?”

Adam went viral with his bewildering comment,

“I don’t see why women need tampons AND pads. Can’t you just choose one?”

Adam, dear, the complexities of periods are perhaps a tad too intricate for your spreadsheet mind.

Tom’s perspective was equally refreshing when he tweeted,

Oh Tom, it’s like you’re so close to understanding, yet so very, very far. The sheer dedication to ignorance is commendable.

And then we have the classic *mansplainer*, who cannot resist explaining everything—especially to women. Whether it’s politics, science, or how to operate a washing machine, no topic is too trivial for him to enlighten us with his superior wisdom. Even when it comes to women’s own experiences, men seem to have a unique insight into things they’ve never actually gone through. Fascinating, isn’t it?

Our friend Dan, for instance, once explained to his girlfriend why her makeup routine was “wasting time”:

Thank you, Dan, for single-handedly dismantling the global cosmetics industry with your penetrating insight. Women everywhere are now liberated from mascara because you, a man who still struggles with using a dishwasher, said so.

Finally, let’s take a moment to appreciate the staggering fragility of the male ego. Men often need constant reassurance that their ideas, however misguided, are correct. How many times have we heard men cry out in online forums because women don’t respect them enough? When faced with the slightest challenge, they crumble like a poorly-made soufflé.

Take Liam, who once posted on Reddit,

Ah, Liam. Maybe your jokes just aren’t funny?

So, here’s to the men who believe they’re authorities on everything—from women’s bodies to career advice and life in general. They may not understand how a tampon works, but boy, do they understand how to run a podcast about it. They may not know how periods work, but they’re certain that whatever women are doing, they’re doing it wrong. And who needs facts when you have the unshakable confidence that only a man on a podcast can possess?

Cheers, gentlemen. Thank you for your unwavering dedication to teaching us things we never asked to know.