When a Narcissist’s New Supply is Threatened: Six Tactics They Deploy to Discredit the Ex-Wife

When a narcissist realises their carefully curated façade is at risk of being exposed, especially to their new partner (the "new supply"), they often spring into action with a predictable but insidious playbook. If an ex-wife bravely warns the new girlfriend about the narcissist’s abusive behaviour, the narcissist will go into overdrive to protect their ego and maintain control. Here are six ways a narcissist will try to discredit the ex-wife and her allies, ensuring their new supply remains under their spell.

The narcissist’s first instinct will be to paint their ex-wife as mentally unstable. They might throw out phrases like:

- “She’s completely unhinged.”

- “She’s always been crazy; that’s why I left.”

- “You can’t believe anything she says—she’s delusional.”

By framing the ex-wife as irrational, the narcissist tries to undermine her credibility in the eyes of the new supply. They’ll back this up with exaggerated or fabricated stories, twisting past events to fit their narrative. For example, if the ex-wife once raised her voice during an argument (as humans do), the narcissist might claim, “She screamed at me every day—she’s completely unbalanced.”

The goal here is to make the new girlfriend question the ex-wife’s motives and brush off any warnings as the ramblings of a "bitter ex."

To garner sympathy and shift blame, the narcissist will insist that the ex-wife—and probably her friends or family—were out to get them from the start. Expect statements like:

- “Her friends and family never gave me a chance.”

- “They’ve always been jealous of me and just want to see me fail.”

- “They didn’t want her to be happy, so they tried to sabotage our relationship.”

By portraying themselves as the victim of unwarranted hostility, the narcissist seeks to manipulate the new supply into feeling sorry for them. The new girlfriend is less likely to believe the ex-wife’s claims if she’s convinced the narcissist was unfairly targeted by a hateful group.

Narcissists are experts at flipping the script and casting themselves as the victim in any situation. When their new supply is exposed to their abusive history, the narcissist will immediately claim that they were the ones who suffered. Some typical lines might include:

- “She was the abusive one; I just tried to make it work.”

- “I did everything for her, and she betrayed me.”

- “She’s only saying this because she can’t stand to see me happy.”

This tactic is highly effective because it tugs on the new supply’s emotions. The narcissist exploits their partner’s empathy, redirecting any potential suspicion or doubt back onto the ex-wife.

When the narcissist feels their control slipping, they’ll attempt to shift the focus back onto the ex-wife’s alleged ulterior motives. The most common accusation? Jealousy. They’ll tell the new girlfriend:

- “She’s just jealous because I’ve moved on.”

- “She can’t stand seeing me happy with someone else.”

- “She’s bitter because she wanted to get back together, and I said no.”

This narrative serves two purposes: it invalidates the ex-wife’s warnings as self-serving and strokes the new supply’s ego, making her feel special. The narcissist ensures the new girlfriend remains loyal by convincing her she’s the “better” choice.

If the ex-wife has friends or family supporting her and echoing her concerns, the narcissist will quickly dismiss them as part of her supposed “crazy, hateful” camp. They’ll use phrases like:

- “They’re just her little puppets—she’s got them wrapped around her finger.”

- “Her friends always took her side, no matter what.”

- “They don’t know the real story; they’re just repeating her lies.”

By discrediting the ex-wife’s allies, the narcissist isolates the new supply from alternative perspectives. The less the new girlfriend listens to these outside voices, the more control the narcissist retains.

When all else fails, the narcissist will escalate to an all-out smear campaign against the ex-wife. This involves spreading rumours and making outrageous claims to tarnish her reputation further. Some examples include:

- “She cheated on me; that’s the real reason our marriage ended.”

- “She’s a terrible mother; she doesn’t even care about the kids.”

- “She’s saying all this because she’s bitter and broke.”

The narcissist will broadcast these lies to mutual friends, family, and even on social media, creating a narrative where they are the hero and the ex-wife is the villain. This tactic serves to distract from their abusive behaviour and reinforce their new supply’s loyalty.

The narcissist’s overdrive tactics are designed to confuse and manipulate the new supply, ensuring they remain in the dark about the true nature of their partner. The ex-wife’s warnings, though well-intentioned, are dismissed as part of the narcissist’s carefully constructed drama.

If you’re the ex-wife, know that your efforts to warn the new supply are not in vain. You’ve planted a seed of doubt that, in time, may grow into understanding. Narcissists can’t keep up their façade forever, and their patterns will inevitably reveal themselves.

Dealing with a narcissist who is determined to discredit you is exhausting, but understanding their playbook can help you stay one step ahead. Their tactics—labeling you as crazy, playing the victim, and waging smear campaigns—are predictable and rooted in their fear of losing control. Trust in the truth and know that, eventually, the mask will slip, and the new supply will see the narcissist for who they truly are.