The Myth of the Village: How Society Lies to Women About Motherhood and Independence

Women have been fed a tale for generations: “It takes a village to raise a child.” But in today’s world, that village doesn’t exist. Women, who are told they can and should have it all—a career, children, a perfectly run home, and a thriving social life—are often left to manage these responsibilities alone. Society has crafted an impossible standard for women while offering little real support, turning what should be a balanced partnership into a solitary struggle.

Meanwhile, men are largely free from these burdens, allowed to work their 8-hour days and enjoy their weekends in peace. What we have isn’t the dream of a “white picket fence” life but a carefully constructed lie that leaves women isolated, exhausted, and unsupported.

The modern narrative tells women they can have everything: a successful career, a loving family, a spotless home, and time to enjoy it all. But behind this ideal is a grim reality. Women are still expected to be the primary caretakers, running the household, raising children, and often planning every detail of family life. Add a career on top of that, and what you get is a recipe for burnout.

Working women still shoulder the majority of household duties. Research consistently shows that even in dual-income households, women do more unpaid labour at home. They cook, clean, manage schedules, and care for children and elderly relatives—tasks that are seen as natural extensions of womanhood. And while society applauds women for being “strong” and “capable,” it rarely offers the structural support needed to truly “have it all.”

When women become mothers, they’re told, “Don’t worry, it takes a village.” But where is this so-called village? Families are more isolated than ever, with people living farther from relatives, lacking the community support networks of past generations. Maternity leave policies are limited, childcare costs are astronomical, and public services for mothers are woefully underfunded. The village society promised is a myth, and women are left to shoulder the burdens of motherhood and family alone.

In reality, the “village” that once existed has been dismantled by economic pressures and social isolation. For generations, extended families and communities supported new mothers, offering both emotional and practical assistance. Today, women face these challenges on their own, forced to navigate the intense demands of motherhood without the support they need. The promise of community is nothing more than a hollow phrase, leaving many mothers feeling abandoned.

One of the most glaring inequalities lies in how labour is divided between men and women. Men are expected to work their standard 8-hour shifts, five days a week. When they clock out, they’re free to relax, pursue hobbies, or spend time with friends. Their weekends are often theirs to enjoy, with little expectation that they’ll use this time for household or childcare responsibilities.

Women, on the other hand, are expected to juggle it all. Even after working a full day, many women come home to what sociologist Arlie Hochschild famously called the “second shift”—cooking dinner, helping with homework, cleaning, and preparing for the next day. Unlike men, who can often look forward to downtime after work, women’s responsibilities rarely end. This double standard means that while men can recharge and relax, women are left exhausted, constantly working to meet the demands of both home and career.

The struggle to meet impossible expectations isn’t new. In the 1950s and 60s, many women were prescribed “Mother’s Little Helper” to cope with the overwhelming demands of household duties. These drugs, often similar to amphetamines, allowed women to keep up with their workload, masking the pain and frustration of a life without autonomy or fulfilment. Society understood that the expectations placed on women were unrealistic—so rather than change those expectations, it simply medicated them into submission.

Fast forward to today, and the same pressures exist, but without the “solutions” of the past. Now, women are told they must excel naturally, to manage everything with ease and grace. Struggling to keep up with these demands isn’t viewed as a consequence of unrealistic standards but as a personal failing. The message is clear: if you’re overwhelmed, it’s because you’re not strong or capable enough—not because society has failed you.

The image of the white picket fence—an idyllic home, a happy family, and a life of stability and prosperity—is often depicted as the ultimate goal for both men and women. But in reality, it’s a dream built largely on women’s labour and sacrifice. Men benefit from a model where they are the breadwinners, unburdened by the additional responsibilities that fall on their partners. They get the satisfaction of a stable home life without the exhausting work that goes into maintaining it.

For men, the white picket fence represents security, rest, and an escape from the stresses of work. But for women, it often represents confinement, isolation, and an endless cycle of thankless work. The household is seen as the woman’s domain, and the tasks required to keep it running smoothly are expected of her, even when she has a career of her own. The “dream” of a peaceful home, then, is built on an illusion—one that benefits men far more than it does women.

If society truly valued women’s contributions, it would offer more than just platitudes. Policies would reflect the reality of modern families, with affordable childcare, paid family leave, and support for single mothers. Workplaces would respect the fact that women often carry more responsibilities outside of work and provide the flexibility they need to succeed. And most importantly, the division of household and childcare labour would be fair, allowing women to reclaim their time and energy.

Women deserve better than hollow slogans and unrealistic expectations. They deserve genuine support, policies that reflect their needs, and partnerships that share the load. The village might not exist in the traditional sense, but by raising awareness, advocating for change, and supporting each other, women can work together to create their own village—a community where they aren’t left to carry the burden alone.

If society continues to lie to women, to tell them they can and should do it all without help, it will not only harm individual lives but the very fabric of our communities. We need a new vision, one that sees the value in collective responsibility, respects women’s contributions, and ensures that no one is left behind in the pursuit of an outdated, unequal dream.