Setting Up a CIC is Bloody Hard – But That’s Not the Real Problem, Is It?

If I had a pound for every time a man told me, “Men don’t get any help,” I’d probably have enough funding to open ten domestic violence shelters, run free trauma therapy, and hire a full-time team of women just to roll their eyes at the hypocrisy.

And yet - despite the constant whinging - how many of these men actually step up to do something about it?

Exactly none. Plenty of excuses, though.

Let’s be honest: setting up a CIC (Community Interest Company) in the UK is bloody hard. It’s death by paperwork. It’s learning what an “asset lock” is, choosing the right legal structure, naming your directors, writing your Articles of Association, safeguarding policies, financial plans, governance frameworks - and doing it all while living off caffeine and spite. It’s months of grinding work, often unpaid and unsupported, with no help unless you hunt for it.

But it can be done. Because women do it. I did it. Other women are doing it right now.

So it’s interesting when a man slides into my comment section, chest puffed and outrage at the ready, to shout about how he would start a shelter for male survivors… if only he got help.

And by help, he means: me doing it for him.

Here’s a wild idea - if you actually care about male survivors, I’ll donate £100 to your CIC once you’ve registered it. No strings attached. Just do the work.

But do you know how many have taken me up on that?

Zero. Zilch. None.
They’re not looking for solutions. They’re looking for a microphone.

Some men even trot out the same tired arguments - like Earl Silverman, a Canadian man who ran the only DV shelter for men in Canada using his own money. Yes, his story is tragic - he died by suicide in 2013 after years of financial struggle and lack of institutional support. But instead of being inspired to follow in his footsteps, men just use his name as a reason not to try at all. As if his pain is a permanent permission slip to do nothing.

And it doesn’t stop there. One man claimed the reason he can’t open a shelter is because of “pushback” - apparently, women rioted to get men’s shelters shut down. Rioted. In 2025. We’re out here with signs that say, “No safe space for you!” Are you hearing yourselves?

So I asked for proof. Multiple times. You’d think something that dramatic would come with a screenshot, a headline, something.

Instead, a man responded with, and I quote:

“It’s like blaming the rape victim.”

Right. Because asking for evidence of a riot is now victim-blaming. Got it.

Of course, I pushed back. I asked again. And - surprise surprise - he had nothing. Can’t provide evidence for something that never bloody happened, can you?

This is what women are up against when we try to have a conversation about our trauma. Men derail it, re-centre themselves, spout absolute nonsense, and then act like we’re the unreasonable ones for expecting them to back it up.

Here’s the truth: men are victims too. And they do deserve help. But if you really care, stop talking and start doing. Go register your CIC. Write your damn policies. Set up a GoFundMe. Apply for grants. Message your local MP.

And when you do, send me the link - I’ll send you that £100.

But until then, if your only contribution to the conversation is derailment, deflection, and delusion, maybe have a sit-down and ask yourself:
Is it really about helping men?
Or does it just hurt your ego when the world doesn’t revolve around you?