Pick-Me Women: Why Centering Men is Dangerous for Us All

In a world where women are still fighting for basic human rights, we face a growing and alarming trend of "pick-me" behaviour.

A “pick me” is a woman who goes out of her way to align with harmful, patriarchal narratives in order to gain the approval of men. Often, she will downplay her own needs, desires, and even dignity to be more appealing to men, hoping that by doing so, she’ll stand out from other women. While this may seem harmless or even funny at times, this mentality is not only dangerous for the women engaging in it, but for all of us.

At a time when women’s rights are being eroded around the world—from Afghanistan to the United States, and everywhere in between—centering men in our actions, thoughts, and goals is not just regressive. It’s dangerous.

Pick-Me Culture and the Dangerous Impact of Centering Men

When women like Pearl Davis repeat the talking points of men like Andrew Tate, dismissing feminism and touting the virtues of male dominance, it may be easy to laugh it off as ignorance or self-hatred. Or, when women like **Ballerina Farm**, who presents herself as the embodiment of a domestic “modern slave,” are held up as the ideal woman while enjoying the comforts of wealth and luxury, it might seem absurd. However, this isn’t just some internet trend. These messages reinforce a worldview that is hostile to women’s autonomy, safety, and well-being.

We are not far from living the nightmare depicted in **"The Handmaid’s Tale,"** where women are stripped of their autonomy, their bodies are controlled by men, and their sole value lies in their reproductive capabilities. While it may seem extreme, the reality of our world today shows that the dystopian future Margaret Atwood wrote about is alarmingly close. Here’s why:

1. **Afghanistan:** Since the Taliban regained control in 2021, women have been stripped of their basic rights. They are no longer allowed to attend school beyond primary levels, they must cover their entire bodies, and even speaking publicly is now considered an offense in many cases. Afghan women, once professionals, students, and teachers, are now being erased from public life. The horrors they face are a stark reminder of what happens when male-centered ideologies take over.

2. **Poland, Malta, and America:** Women in these countries face severe

restrictions on their reproductive rights. In Poland and Malta, **abortion is almost entirely banned**, even in cases where the mother’s life is at risk. In the United States, many states have either severely restricted or entirely banned abortion, even in cases of rape, incest, or medical necessity. The fear of losing access to reproductive healthcare is a reality for millions of women worldwide. This isn’t just about abortion—this is about women’s fundamental right to control their own bodies.

3. **The Democratic Republic of the Congo:** Women and children in Congo are **raped daily** in what is known as one of the most dangerous places to be a woman. Gender-based violence is rampant, used as a weapon of war, and the trauma women face in these regions is almost unimaginable. Their cries for help often fall on deaf ears as the world continues to turn a blind eye to the atrocities committed against them.

The reality is that centering men in our lives and our cultures—especially in a way that diminishes women—leads to a direct threat to our freedoms, our safety, and our dignity. **Pick-me women** play an active role in perpetuating this dangerous dynamic. When women align with misogyny, they help uphold systems that actively work to strip women of their rights. This not only sets us back decades but emboldens patriarchal systems that dehumanize women around the world.

Here’s the truth: women are powerful—especially when we come together. We hold 80% of the world’s buying power. If every woman stopped shopping for three days, the economy would screech to a halt. If women stopped working for three days, businesses and governments would be paralyzed. If we chose not to engage with systems that don’t support us, those systems would collapse in on themselves.

Imagine this: for three days, women around the world stop everything. No shopping. No working. No cleaning. We just stay home. Turn off the TV. Pick up a book. Take a long walk with your dog. And for those three days, we only shop from **small, women-owned businesses**. Can you picture the change that would happen? It would send shockwaves through every corner of the world.

Men love to say that women "belong in the kitchen," and some **pick-me women** believe the same. So why don’t we do exactly that—but only what we *absolutely need* to?
And for those of you with husbands or partners who are a bit of a bellend, maybe book yourself into a hotel for the night. Let them try to cope without you for a day or two (unless, of course, you’re in an abusive situation—then please, prioritize your safety).

If we all stopped participating in the systems that demand our silence, submission, and obedience, we would bring those systems to their knees. **Women are 51% of the population**. **We are the majority**. But so often, we are divided by race, religion, class, or even by our own internalized misogyny, which leads to dangerous pick-me behavior.

Pick-me women are just **insecure women** who haven’t been hurt *enough* yet. They still believe the lie that if they just align themselves with men—if they just play by the rules of patriarchy—they will be safe, loved, and rewarded. But the truth is, no amount of bending over backwards will ever be enough to satisfy a system built on female oppression.

Our grandmothers weren’t happy in those same roles, so why are we trying to **force this BS on women today**? We know better now. We know that women don’t belong in boxes, kitchens, or under the control of anyone but themselves.

Pick-me behavior and internalized misogyny go hand in hand, and it’s time we retaliate with malicious compliance Let’s do exactly what they say—stop engaging. Stop buying into the system that oppresses us. Stop centering men and their needs.

Women of every race, religion, and background need to stick together. Whether you’re a mother in America fighting for the right to choose, a woman in Afghanistan yearning for the freedom to speak, or a child in Congo praying for an end to the violence, we are all connected.

Our power is in our numbers. We don’t need to break things to show our strength—we just need to **stop participating** in systems that don’t serve us. It’s time for women to realize that we hold the keys to change. We just have to unlock the door.

And remember this: if women didn’t shop, work, or engage for just three days, the world would change.

Now, let’s go change it.